Tag Archives: self-esteem

Boundaries Are Super Important

I used to be a ‘YES’ person and I always put the needs of pretty much everyone else in front of my own.

I don’t know when it started, but when I became a mum it pretty much became second nature and I relegated myself to the bottom of the family pile. I had no boundaries in place and soon became the person who did just about everything because I couldn’t say ‘NO’.

But do you know what constantly being that kind and caring person who helps everyone else does to you if you are not careful? It makes you resentful and bitter and can leave you wondering why no-one else seems to put you first. You feel like you are being walked all over and to be honest you pretty much are being, but only because you have let it happen.

It’s a weird kind of logic and it can well and truly suck you in if you let it. Trust me, I know because that’s exactly where I was heading before I decided to put myself first and practice some real self-care.

So, how did I stop being a doormat and start to find my own inner strength?

Initially I had to get clear on how I wanted to feel and what was important to me. This process was made much simpler by The Desire Map and coming up with a list of my core desired feelings. Once I got clear on HOW I wanted to feel every day, it was easy to filter requests through those feelings and decide whether or not they were right for me.

At the beginning I simply said ‘NO’ a little more. If something felt like it wasn’t in my best interests or the request was just because it had always been easier to ask me to do something than to do it themselves (and don’t we all know people like that!), then I stopped and made a real effort to trust myself and my own feelings.

Surprisingly it changed the way I felt really quickly. By setting boundaries and treating myself the way that I wanted to be treated by others helped me regain my self-esteem. I knew that the things I actually said yes to were because I really wanted to and not because I was worried what other people thought of me.

The knock-on effect of all of this is that I am now inspiring others to review their own boundaries too! Just last week I received a friend request on Facebook from someone I had met in a group but not met in person. I sent a message kindly letting them know that I am happy to connect in groups and via my business page, but that my personal profile is for family and friends, and here’s the response I received:

“No problem at all, Holly. I totally admire and respect your boundaries! Thank you for letting me know. Plus you just helped me redefine some of mine thanks x”

My boundaries are set and I am happy to move and change them as circumstances and people change, but now that I follow my own intuition and filter everything through my core desired feelings and I am happier and healthier for it – and giving my children a much better example of self-care!

I hope this post encourages you to put yourself first and create your own boundaries too… keep-calm-and-set-boundaries-5 Make your own KEEP CALM poster at: http://www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/#create

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More than I imagined…

WOW!  I’ve been so excited about my Desire Map License and then thought long and hard about my own bonuses.  What I hadn’t prepared myself for was the positive effect that my leap would have on everything else that I do…  So, here’s my last 24 hours in a nutshell:

  • A licensee who already signed up but loved my bonuses has contacted me & wants my technical help – putting on my soul-inspired Web Goddess hat
  • My wonderful Crystal Therapy course has another applicant – this in such a passion of mine so I can’t wait to start next year’s course
  • I’ve made the very important mental leap from self-employed and alone, to self-employed with great help!  This may come as a pleasant surprise to my new and fantastic VA and good friend Sue… we all need support and I’ve finally realised that I do too!

Three amazing outcomes from one decision – it’s wonderful how one decision has increased into these three positive benefits…

So looking forward to the months to come!

H x

 

One Year On… and I’ve done it!!

Just over a year ago I wrote Sometimes “No” is the best answer, a blog post about a job that I applied for to bring in some much needed cash, but that I honestly didn’t want (and happily didn’t get!). Well, a year on from that post and my decision to focus on working for myself, I have an update to the story… Continue reading

Sometimes a nudge is all we need

I design my own website.  Not because I’m a website designer, but because it means I have control over what goes on it and I can keep the costs way down!  But lately I’ve been looking at some of the websites that I admire the most and wished mine looked more like theirs.  I also wanted my blog to look like it was part of my website and not just an add on.

So, I took the plunge and called a web design company.  I spoke to a really nice helpful guy who explained my options and came up with a price.  I knew it would be more than I was paying (about £60 a year!) but when I realised that the price would not include my shop or monthly hosting it made me wonder whether I could have a go myself. Continue reading

Feeling Positive

Isn’t it interesting how we tend to say “think positive” to someone who is feeling low when what we should really be saying is “feel positive”?

So, as I look at life in a new way, thinking positive just doesn’t cut it for me anymore; without feeling positive, the shift into a better energy state just doesn’t happen.  And I’m all about the energy – it has to feel right, to resonate with my soul to make me want to change what I am doing for the better.

Every morning I ask myself “how do I want to feel today”.  I have a list of five or so feelings that I know make my heart sing and my soul dance so I go for them.  Then I try to make sure my day includes activities – however small – that fulfill these needs.  I’m still new at this but it is making a huge difference to someone who often felt defeated even before I got out of bed!

Today I ‘connected’ with a friend I miss terribly as they live on the other side of the world.  That 10 minute message conversation made both of us smile and touched me dearly to know we are still so close, even though we are 10,000 miles apart.  Listening to a CD we both love later in the car was another way to acknowledge my feelings and make me smile.

I also remained ‘authentic’ to myself when a friend at my sons’ school asked if I could make them something but I knew I would feel resentful if I took it on (blinds are just not my thing).  So I said “no” (an amazing achievement for me!) and helped them find the information they needed to make it happen another way.

I’m no expert at this stuff, but I am honestly a happier, healthier and more in sync with my soul when I ‘feel positive’ instead of just thinking it….

If you’re wondering where all this new feeling is coming from, then check out my earlier post on The Desire Map and take a look at Danielle LaPorte’s amazing program for yourself.  I am truly changing my life one small step at a time and loving every soul-searching minute of it. H x